Love Life Enthusiast Gifts

"Dude has got his s**t together!"

Family Planning: Contraceptives Should Be Used On Every Conceivable Occasion!

'Look what followed me home, Dear - Can I keep her?'

"I can't wait 'til we're so close we don't have to talk."

'Short brown hair. Very cuddly, good in bed.'

When open relationships go wrong.

"I think you are exceeding the speed limit."

"This could be a match. There's a lady here, who's looking for a man who knows how to listen."

"... Yes, you can still chase after girls. Just make sure you don't catch any."

"I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner. She said yes and then she went to dinner."

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'Of course you're my first - Why do you men always ask that question?'

"Oh no. It's my ex with his new girlfriend. I'd hate him to see how desperate I've become."

"You will probably have quite a long wait - she's only up to number four."

"I'm divorced - not certifiably pre-owned!"

"... It's just that when you said you'd got us a date with a pair of sisters... "

Valentines

What not to say on a first date.

'What's the definition of an ideal man? After he's made love for hours, he turns into a pizza.'

Safe Sex

Blinding the Witness

'If we respect each other, contraception makes sense!'

'Psst - endorphins. And they're perfectly legal.'

'I know we met only an hour ago, but I feel like we've known each other for years. That's how long it usually takes for a man to be able to infuriate me.'

"Estoy aqui abajo!" ( I'm down here!)

'Darling, I've brought mom round for tea! I hope it won't spoil my surprise!'

Another Hot and Heavy Night of Explaining

Luckily there are still men with charm and style.

"We have box shapes for every commitment level."

"I just saved 40% on condoms."

"I'm already seeing an anthropologist."

Reach for the Star.

'Say baby - 'come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove, that valleys, groves, hills and fields,woods or steepy mountain yields' - Marlowe.'

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"