Love Cycle Analyst T-Shirts

'By this time next year you'll be with someone new. You'll tell her about today and laugh. You'll laugh that snorty little piggy laugh of yours. She'll throw you out too.'

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

" A lot of it is just legal mumbo-jumbo."

Strangers. friends. Lovers. Spouse.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

The Giant Guardsman Chapters IX and x.

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

'Love is a subconscious recognition of matching neuroses.'

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

"What do you mean you want to slow things down?"

"Only one Valentines card? Still could have been a lot worse!"

'I'll need four character references.'

"I hate her snoring, especially during sex."

"If you really loved me you wouldn't expect me to spar with you."

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

"You haven't had sex since 1959? You shouldn't complain - it's only ten past eight now..."