Lottery Ticket Seller Gifts

'Don't you have a lottery on your planet?'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Bribes for Jabs

"Well, it's been nice. And obviously the £10 million win hasn't change you. . . . A mug of tea an' a couple garibaldies - as tight as ever!"

Why do you hate the media?

'Joe has been partying hard!'

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'Floppo' lottery rebranding

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I'm sorry, Bob, it wasn't you who won the mega-pool. It was Helen in accounting.' (to man mooning boss).

Highlights for Adults

"Have you been scratching this?"

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Long term I like energy and transportation stocks. Short term I like lottery tickets.'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"What lucky stranger's hitting the jackpot tonight?"

"It's lotto fever."

Eurozone leaders reach consensus. . .

'Congratulations! You've just won ten million dollars!'

Snacks. Food. Drinks. Win! Play! LOTTO here! I changed my name to "Lottery Ticket" and hang out here. It's a great place to get scratched!

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

"In light of current market conditions, I've diversified your portfolio to include Lotto tickets and bingo chips."

'At least someone can afford to travel by train.'

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

SMALL BUSINESS LOANS, 'Your business plan seems to depend on winning a lot of state lotteries....'

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

'Of course, it's marvellous news! Absolutely marvellous! My Word! A national lottery winner! Wonderful stroke of luck!'

'Ordinarily I wouldn't do anything like that, Mr. Hubbard, but I just hit $2 million in the lottery!'

"Where's the NHS money coming from? Well, I've decided that we will invest £10,000 a week into Euro lottery tickets..."

"I just hit the lottery for a million bucks, so today I'm going to punch that timeclock for the last time."