Lost Boy Pillows

"I had a dreadful childhood. Especially recently."

"Young Frankenstein"

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

Director/Action Man toy.

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

High security Santa's grotto

'He had a meteoric rise to the top.'

Billy would watch his ant farm for hours on end.

'The Torch Holder'.

Imagination

"Has anyone turned in a chicken?"

Kid blowing bubble takes off.

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"Stop asking me. I don't know who's a good boy."

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

'Let's play doctor - I'll listen to your heart and you give me all your allowance.'

Ed is upset because he didn't get the promotion he had promised himself.

'We had to get him a seeing-eye dog.'

"Can you check inside it for me, Mister?"

Yeah, that's mine - My mom puts my name inside my helmet in case it comes off.

"Instead of a bedtime story, how about strapping a bottle rocket to your doll and setting it off in your little brother’s room?" "Brad was a terrible father."

Pat My Dog $5

"Tooth fairy funds may seem consistent, and birthday money stable, but you really need to consider diversification of your portfolio."

'Oh, no! The monster under my bed is my brother!'

A tourist sees that every sign leads the right way.

'I'm telling you I don't know where your goat is, look in the classifieds.'

"Can you bless all water on Earth, turning it all into holy water instantly? Or do blessings have a maximum range or a volume limit or something? And would that kill all vampires?"

Golfers lost on the road

"My little brother's almost all better. Can I get half-off?"

'This is Kevin O'Shea, my big sister's answering service.'

"Second grade is tough, little brother. It's the year teachers no longer believe your dog ate your homework."