Long-term Relationship Anniversary Pillows

"No, dear, what we have is a 'samey sex' marriage."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Do you think we can cuddle?'

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Charlie is the first to admit that he's too old for me.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Frog to frog: 'Do you promise to love me warts and all?'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"NOW can I shoot you out of a cannon?"

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Couples' therapy

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."