Long-haul Legend Pillows

Truck scale to weigh the truck as well as a 'trucker scale' to weigh the driver

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

"The knights of the round accent table"

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

Jack London

Kenny Dalglish

"We need rain."

"I heard you're top dog in trust and loyalty training."

Gareth Bale

'What a Summer of Sport, eh?'

"Look, we're three thousand years old. No one's going to hire us."

Mom and Dad Really Lose It - 1/4 Mile.

Tragedy and Material

"In recognition of your long service, we'd like you to have this clock you've had your eye on since you walked in here all those years ago."

Lancelot put to the Test.

'I've been transferred again.'

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

"So that's Ireland."

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

"Thanks, but there's really nothing to do while the meat's smoking."

Late Night TV

Terry Pratchett

Korney Ivanovich Chukovsky

'It isn't polite to point.'

Is there anything you want to say to me? Get back to work? I pay you too much? I can hire a migrant worker for half your pay and he won't complain to me in English? And he probably won't be loyal to you and this cafe for 20 years. Twenty years. Twenty years. It's your 20-year anniversary? I'm assuming that's the extent of your acknowledgment of this momentous occasion, and I should not expect a cake. You may have a day-old cruller for half price.

"Love them rays, Chief."

Airport: Frequent Lost Luggage Desk.

Footballers - Jaap Staam

Fisherman takes home the mermaid he caught.

'Well, Mrs. Farnsworth, I'm afraid you've got Druids!'

"Let me try that!"

'Do you always steal from the rich?'

Mary Shelley

'Cattle Driver.'

The Ekert Saga: '...We'll be safe...as long as the Ekert is kept in the sacred vessel of nay-chaw. And he has to stay in theah until we find the anti-Ekert.'