Local Fete Fan Mugs

'My competitor down the street sasses his parents.'

Prize vegetables.

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

Polygamists' Picnic

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

"We're wasting our time. He gets them free at work."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Welcome to the Bermudez family Christmas party!"

Ventriloquist's fete

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'

'An egg and spoon race! That's horrible!'

Need to celebrate? we will pour ice water on you, only $27.50!

Antonio Carluccio.

We'll pass on the entrees...

"Why doesn't Ken Burns make a documentary about this?"

'Oh no, the Gradwells are here with their homemade wine!'

Man arrives at desert island to find Summer Fete taking place: How many shells in the jar Guess the name of the Starfish

'Ah - Mr. Figgs - you used to work for that bank - anything for the church fete?'

'Well, once it's won the prize for Biggest Marrow I shall expect you to replace my fence!'

Say it loud! We suck and we're proud!

The village cinema-club was going down a treat with the locals!

Second Wedding Cake

Charity Shop and Faith and Hope Shops.

Two stalls at the village fete: Kisses £5.00 and Latest gossip £2.50

"I'm sorry but after 'Henman Hill' and 'Murray Mound' we're really only interested in supporting players whose names rhyme with the local topography."

At the Pessimist Society's annual fete.

'It's feed time! It's feed time! Woop! Woop! Woop!'

'My God! He must have been there since the last one!'

'Thanksgiving is called 'turkey day' but it's actually about 'pigging out'.'