Local Dining Aficionado Gifts

'Is it local?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

La Table

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Advanced footsie

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'