Local Dining Aficionado T-Shirts

'Is it local?'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

La Table

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Advanced footsie

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."