Living Dead Devotee Pillows

'This show was filmed in front of a dead studio audience.'

"Wait! Don't start the chase now: I need to stretch first!:

"This is scary, maybe we should turn on the lights. Hello.."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "Earnest's invite had lied about there being a live band"

Chuck didn't care what his therapist said; that is not where he left his dummy.

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

"They'd sold out of #1's."

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

"Ready...."

"How much longer are you going to be?"

Gym. He claims he does that routine for an hour before starting his cardio workout. Do you believe him? It's a bit of a stretch!

'Stroke! ... Stroke! ... Stroke!'

'I'd like to ask the council's advice on how to get the congregation to sit closer to the front of the church.'

Halloween Tree

Standup... Nihilist

"Don't put your mother on the page, Miss S. Worthington"

"That wasn't very funny!"

"I've been meditating as hard as I can and nothing happens."

'I'm sorry to say that one among you is not pulling his weight... I don't think it's necessary to name names.'

'...And the hotel was an absolute dump!'

The Dog Botherer.

Throw-Your-Voice Mail.

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

"Please tell me you recently lowered the floor."

"Is it wrong that I miss Jerry Garcia more than my parents?"

I still can't believe what happened with "The Walking Dead," Randy. That death … I don't think I'll ever get over it. Characters become real to us, little buddy. They become old friends. So when they "die," it's natural to mourn them just as we mourn anyone. No, I mean I can't believe I forgot to post a reaction video on Youtube of me crying when the death happened. But at least I got to post a reaction video of me reacting to my not having posted a reaction video. I've lived too long.

Seinfeld.

Clowns working to repair clown car on roadside.

miley cyrus caricature

Man with sticker on card reading 'Zombies love brains'.

Sir Alex Ferguson

'He specializes in funny bones.'

Local Basketball coverage: we don't miss a dribbleb

"I can't stand her 'Yogier than thou' attitude."

Tortoise with Do Not Disturb sign