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David Roy Eldridge

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Jazz quartet, piano, bass, sax and drums

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

At the rock concert...

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

You are my sunshine!

"Free Bird!"

Cygnets from Swan Lake

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

Why do you direct the school musical, Mr. K? It's a privilege

Mark Knopfler.

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

Music Hall Dancers

Sir Conrad Murgatroyd

'That was Charlie Parker's 'Ornithology.' I threw in a flat nine in bar 16 and a tritone substitution in bar 22. Who noticed that? Hands up if you noticed!'

"This next song I wrote I won't sing due to political correctness."

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

"Unfortunately, father never quite got over being asked to reform the band for Live Aid in the '80s."

I think we should stick to doing this with a piano.

Towny Music Night.

Mexican Serenade.

Bette Midler

"When it comes to good, old-fashioned roots music, this guy is the BEST!"

A man and a woman discussing the skill of the pianist.

"We'd like to do a song that will barely penetrate your consciousness as you continue to enjoy those faddish cigars and single-malt scotches."

'Nobody pays for music anymore.'

'I'd like now to do a blues number, for those of you here on Viagra. It's called - Woke up Early One Morning.'

Pussycat says to Owl: 'This is rubbish, can we PLEASE do Ibiza next year?'

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'

"This next song is for all you a cappella lovers. No strings attached."