Little Golfer Pillows

'If he's going to be another 'Tiger' he has to start young.'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

Golfer hanging from tree branch to play difficult shot.

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

God in the bunker.

'We're playing Doctor - he's the caddy.'

"You'll get your sandbox back as soon as Daddy has practiced a few bunker shots!"

Delusional Golfer's Optical Illusion

'Yes, I can come out and play. My webcam, iPod and videophone are grounded.'

Putt-putt. Drive-Drive. (Two minature golf courses. Golfer at first hits putt. Golfer at second is hit in head by golfball that has been hit as a drive.)

Chris felt that, with diligence, he could teach Jack to hit a 1-iron by 11 months.

Clock Face Golf Set

"This camp had better have a power port!"

"This paternity leave plays havoc with your handicap."

"How long is this hole!! 540 metres!! I'll need a car to drive that far!!"

'First time I've seen the club go farther than the ball.'

Psychologist at Self Esteem Clinic to patient: 'You need to learn to relax more - play some miniature golf.'

"12 isn't a bad score on the hole. You did stray and some of those windmills are quite tricky!"

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Dog fetching golf ball

'Stop your complaining it was the only cart left.'

'Where's your other glove?'

"My handicap? I'm a poor loser."

Getting rid of the opposition.

Luckily I hit the pin!

"My handicap is the water, trees, windows, the highway..."

"This one travels 30 yards farther when you throw it."

I'm finally done celebrating the State of the Union address. What are you talking about? House of Java.net CyberCafe. Every year after the speech, I drive cross-country and date ladies from every region, and of every race, creed and color. It's my way of spending time with like-minded patriots to celebrate how we're all more similar than we are different. Whether you're in California, the deep south or far-off Hawaii, you're never more than a 2-hour drive from miniature golf. Think about that.

Pest control.

'What club do you think I should use? I don't know sir, I don't play golf either'

"I'd rather be golfing...and I am."

"My kind of course."