Little Diagnostician Gifts

Junior Doctor.

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"I will give you the specimen some other time!"

"You want a generic or a regular sugar pill?"

'We're playing doctor ??" Billy's the anesthetist.'

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

"Bad news, Dad—you're brain-dead!"

'We're playing Doctor - he's the caddy.'

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

'Let's play doctor - you be the patient, you be the surgeon, and I'll be the malpractice-attorney.'

'I usually don't make house calls but I'm glad to make an exception in your case, Gran'ma.'

Doc's Kid.

'... Because it's the law! That's why!'

"I've just performed a tonsillectomy on Daddy while he was asleep."

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

"I can do this all day, marshmallow. I have a bright life ahead of me. You, on the other hand... I'm not so sure."

Junior Doctor and Junior Insurance Salesman

"I don't really believe in the tooth fairy anymore, but if it pays, I play!"

'Reflexes normal.'

"Well, you can tell that David Silva that I said you definitely don't have cooties, Carolyn."

'Mom, I swear it wasn't me! I didn't touch the cookies!'

"Because of your age, I'm going to recommend doing nothing."

'Stop her Henry!'

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

"Anything?"

'I'm not playing - I don't trust you!'

'I'll level with you...You're sick as a dog.'

SANTA'S WORKSHOP, 'Kris, Kringle, Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas -- if you're on the level, why all the aliases?'

'I purchased this for my daughter. After reading about the effect of the healthcare law on the practice of medicine, I want to return it.'

"You DO have health insurance, I assume!"

"I've been thinking about your bedtime story, and something doesn't make sense."

'Why yes, I do remember little Timmy.'

'How sweet, they're playing 'Doctors and Nurses.''

'Another serious stroke is a possibility, so if you have any sudden drooling, dizziness, or if you ever laugh out loud at a Garfield cartoon, call 911 immediately.'