Litigation Lyricist T-Shirts

Lawyer-poet-in-residence

Trial by Media

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Another slander suit!"

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'It's a treasure map.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"Yes, 'the lion sleeps tonight', I know the tune, but it means it's had a good feed during the day, which is not really a good thing..."

"Yes, I know, Munger. But Wallace Stevens didn't scribble his damned verses on company time."

'Cole Porter has the lyrics checked'

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

Tragedy! When the feeling's gone and you can't go on.

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

"I'm stuck for the 'June-moon' rhyme in Serbo-Croatian."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

"Great moments in songwriting" "What if she had a little lamb?" "Maybe it follows her to school?" "Wouldn't that make the children laugh?" "Exactly."

Vasiliy Lebedev-Kumach

'Littering, Your Honor.'

Law Offices