Legal Lyricist T-Shirts

"We the jury couldn't reach a verdict, but we were able to come up with this haunting ballad about the murder."

Trial by Media

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

'I don't know much about history, don't know much biology ... but we'll be OK if there's a round on song lyrics.'

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with a positive message.

Loopholes

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'He started it!'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

Fairtale prosecutions.

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

"Yes, 'the lion sleeps tonight', I know the tune, but it means it's had a good feed during the day, which is not really a good thing..."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."