Legal Lyricist Gifts

"We the jury couldn't reach a verdict, but we were able to come up with this haunting ballad about the murder."

Trial by Media

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

'I don't know much about history, don't know much biology ... but we'll be OK if there's a round on song lyrics.'

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with a positive message.

Loopholes

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'He started it!'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Yes, 'the lion sleeps tonight', I know the tune, but it means it's had a good feed during the day, which is not really a good thing..."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."