Lit Fiend Gifts

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'What's amazing is that I only threw one stick.'

Meowlzebub

"You big softy! How did you know I'm tired of being fought over?"

We regret to inform you that your poem, "The Ramen," does not meet our publishing needs at this time. The short, frustrating career of Edgar Allan Typoe.

"He's So Your Type."

The game comes first...

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

Liberties: civil and uncivil.

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

The Critic...

RAISED BY PHONES

"Your new book, 'Help - My Head's Caught in a Pipe,' has been called by some to be semi-autobiographical. Can you comment on these rumors?"

"We love your manuscript! It's exactly the sort of big, sprawling epic we've been looking for!"

"They're not as scary on casual Friday."

The Best of Times/The Worst of Times

The White Whale Mounted On The Wall

'I've got the bill if it's too small.'

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

Lumberjack Interviews

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the 'grande' size anymore without a prescription.'

Vampire doing sit ups in his coffin.

Formula One Finish Line.

"Your husband used the wrong emoji to express his feelings, which caused mass confusion. He'll be sentenced to a mandatory emoji educational class."

"Use the platinum card—I need the miles."

Dog wees on man's leg as all trees are gone.

'No way, I can't stand country and western.' (Farm Aid Rock festival in Somerset.)

"Sorry, Pembroke, but Telford here is lavishly illustrated."

"Arthur and I both like books with unreliable narrators. The problem is that he only reads nonfiction."

"This just isn't doing it for me. Could we go back to using the crystal ball?"

"I gave up red meat, but replaced it with extra caffeine and Gluten."

Seagulls at a drive through - just ordering fries.

Election 2020

"I nearly went blind drinking coffee. I'd left the spoon in the cup..!"

Vlad Simpson