List-making Hopeful T-Shirts

'No, I still haven't gotten around to making my 'to-do' list yet. . .'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

'Wow! no doubt about it son!...You'll grow up to be President of the United States!'

"That's my novel."

"I'll bet Miss Parker gets teacher of the year for this."

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

'Don't jump. It's a book publisher!'

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

toothpaste, potatoes, chicken, spinach, ice cream, butter,bread...

Danae's Prescient Auto-Biography: '...Danae heard about Mark Twain's autobiography being published 100 years after his death and it gave her an idea to take it a step further...'

Waiting to be discovered, or taken to work, whichever comes first...

'But Mum, I've got to practise if I want to join a circus when I grow up!'

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

"When I grow up, I'm going to be a business owner, or president, or the doctor who discovers the cure for cancer!"

'Instead of being just like Michael Jordan, I wanna be just like Barack.'

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

'My story? I was phoning my boss when I thought the sweepstake's people were at my door and I told him to take his job and shove it.'

How was your college tour? Good. Now I need straight A's and 375 extracurriculars to get in. You're exaggerating. Easy for you to say. You've got a 4.0. Yeah, but

A writer walks over water towards a publisher

So You Want to be a Political Rock 'n' Roll Star

"There's got to be a better way to break into show business than appearing on Hot Ones."

"Tonight's lotto numbers are..."

"While we certainly congratulate you on your acceptance to the University of Hawaii, Sandra..."

"In terms of career guidance, access to A-list talent, and studio relationships, you couldn't sign with a better rehab clinic."

"Dang! There I am! I'm in Riding Low magazine! You know what this means? My life will change forever...I'm a celebrity...people will ask for my autograph!"

"Would a beard make me look more academic?"

'I was close to winning the pools this Saturday. The bloke next door won.'