Linguistic Observer T-Shirts

Then: 'And mind your Ps and Qs' Now: 'And mind your Fs and Cs'

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

Why we need poetry. . .

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'If no man is an island, then what the hell is no woman?'

"In my own country I didn't drive a taxi."

'the selling of seashells by the seashore was sluggish.'

"My nephew Jack here can say ‘I’m unemployed’ in seven languages."

A man looking into a mirror saying "HA!"; his reflection looking back at him from the mirror is saying "!AH".

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

Regardless children just want to fit in.

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

A Semicolon.

John Kerry making a speak: 'What'd he say?'

"He's a fine talker, but can you understand Portuguese?"

Apostrophe. . . Apostropher

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

"For today's lesson, you're going to teach me about pronouns."

Trump Tower

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

A horse driving a Model T tows an Amish buggy.

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs

'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'

'Sometimes I think you're on a different planet.'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

Gone to seed.

"I'm going to use my tax cut to trickle down on you all."

Overly wordy travel.