Linguistic Laugher Pillows

'I asked for alphabet soup.' 'This is morse code soup.'

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

"It's a swearbox."

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

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'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"What?"

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"It's okay. That's just adult-speak for hot dogs."

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

"Wait!"

"Pansexual"

Decision on the flip of a coin...

"I'm bad with languages. The only foreign sounding phrase I know is crack-a-brewski."

"The ad was a typo. We're looking for an expert in fingerprinting...not finger painting."

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."

"I don't care how it's pronounced, I want it."

"I take it the defense rests."

Hospitalized intellectuals are ill-literates.

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'ARRGH! Run for it lady!' 'A swarm of Bs!!' A guy running away from a swarm of the actual letter B

"Incentivize me with a paradigm of mesculin greens and grilled chicken."

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

"Horse-drawn carriage."

Canadian Importers - In, Oot.

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

'Are you willing to carry a chip on your shoulder.'

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"