Line Jester Pillows

'I like being last in line. That way, I'm the last fool to part with his money.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

Test your patience, back in one hour.

'Distracting the fish.'

Bad Interview Technique

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

'Okay! Who changed my screensaver?'

"I know your rations include two limes a day, but please don't do that with them."

"It's terminal? Brill, I was worried my YouTube channel was loosing it edge."

Finish Annual IOK Grunion Run

Cyber crime.

"I see balloons, food and drinks. Not only are there ants in our keyboard, they seem to be having a party."

Computer clown.

"Keep it long at the back and big and bushy on top please."

Farce Book

Musical Statues.

"Here, try this anti-dandruff fertiliser my gardener recommended."

'GIT!!!'

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

'Let's put it this way, part of you was offside!'

"Trust me, it's just a stupid song: Of course you can smile at a crocodile..."

A Cartoonist's Pen

'For the last time, this isn't that kind of web and I don't have any funny pictures of cats!'

"When I almost choked on a stick thinking it was a stick insect, I knew it was time to get glasses..."

Woman throws a book titled 'How To Get Along With Others' at a passer-by.

"Apparently, they're 'old money'. He's one of the very first National lottery winners."

"We'll swop at half time."

Halfway around the learning curve, Bob lets go.

The Runner

Skunk threatening a rabbit.