Line Jester Pillows

'I like being last in line. That way, I'm the last fool to part with his money.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

Test your patience, back in one hour.

'Distracting the fish.'

Bad Interview Technique

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

'Okay! Who changed my screensaver?'

"I know your rations include two limes a day, but please don't do that with them."

Finish Annual IOK Grunion Run

"It's terminal? Brill, I was worried my YouTube channel was loosing it edge."

Cyber crime.

"Keep it long at the back and big and bushy on top please."

"Here, try this anti-dandruff fertiliser my gardener recommended."

"I see balloons, food and drinks. Not only are there ants in our keyboard, they seem to be having a party."

Musical Statues.

Matador face to face with a Toro lawnmower.

Computer clown.

Farce Book

'Your glaucoma will never improve this way, Buzzy.'

'GIT!!!'

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

'Let's put it this way, part of you was offside!'

"Trust me, it's just a stupid song: Of course you can smile at a crocodile..."

A Cartoonist's Pen

Woman throws a book titled 'How To Get Along With Others' at a passer-by.

'For the last time, this isn't that kind of web and I don't have any funny pictures of cats!'

"When I almost choked on a stick thinking it was a stick insect, I knew it was time to get glasses..."

"Apparently, they're 'old money'. He's one of the very first National lottery winners."

"We'll swop at half time."

Halfway around the learning curve, Bob lets go.

The Runner