Limb Hoarder T-Shirts

'I think you've been spending too much time in the greenhouse.'

'That's our mission statement.'

Shoe addict.

"She just loves them - she's a total girl horse."

"There really is such a thing as having too many pillows."

"I brought my worn out shoes because I heard that confession was good for the sole!"

"You're still burying your bones? I store mine in the cloud now."

"My father said I was too big for my britches!"

"Buckle up. We're in the midst of an unprecedented breadcrumb recession."

'This isn't my closet - this is my room.'

"Your room is exactly as you left it."

'Oh good, it looks like the few things I ordered from the catalogue have arrived.'

"I fly so often, not only am I accumulating miles, I'm actually starting to sprout wings."

"He is so gross: He is a hoarder you see, and keeps all his old skins..."

Amazon Prime Day ~ The Aftermath

Everyday is cyber Monday.

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

'In other news, gold is headed higher, according to some fool who's put every last dollar into gold stocks and futures.'

'I'd like to return this sweater I knitted.'

Antiques: Priceless artifacts, now reduced to pricey.

Hellmets: Crash helmets in the form of Hell.

'Are you eligible to join 'Miser' the high accrue society?'

"Aside from the hours of DVR'ed shows you have yet to watch, what else keeps you together?"

'As a general rule of thumb, if your only assets are your frequent flyer miles, you don't need to create a trust for your children.'

"Collects his paper every morning - regular as clockwork!"

"I will not buy a fridge magnet. . ."

'We've hit the jackpot,d Rusty. This collection must have taken years to build up.'

Toilet Paper Inheritance

Discovering who steals all the pens in the office.

"Panic-buying in expectation of a public sector strike."

'Over there! Isn't that my missing ceramic frying pan?'

"Congratulations! You've won a lifetime supply of school supplies."

Cat sleeps vertically in upended "This way up" box.