Light-hearted Banter Lover Prints

"Why, Mr. Conly, I do believe you're trying to get me hydrated."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

An Archeologic Dig

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

Shoe repair

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Cold caller.

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

Preachers with far too much input

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'Here comes Ted.'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

"But it wouldn't be premarital sex unless we got married."

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."