Lifetime Warranty Lovers Pillows

'Please don't hurt me! †I've got a wife and three kids and fourteen lifetime warranties!'

37 years in the same position.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

'Don't worry, Alice. I won't leave you.'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

a new hire signing a loyalty oath

"I love this comedy. What's it called?"

Living my best life... ...time movie. Even the Canada posing as my world bit.

"All the way from the new home in Rye just so she can sniff our old doorman."

"Thank you for 30 years of teaching service. Now you have 5 minutes to turn in your keys, I.D. card, empty your desk and be escorted out."

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"Breathe in...now breathe out. Excellent! Just remember to keep doing that for the next few years and you'll be fine."

'Mr. Bigmeister likes to start each meeting with the pledge of allegiance.'

"I think my fat has GPS. Every time I lose some, it always finds its way back home."

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."

"Must that dog follow you everywhere?"

Genius Bar

"OK, let's see. For starters, the guarantee only covers the muffler."