Lifetime Warranty Lovers T-Shirts

'Please don't hurt me! †I've got a wife and three kids and fourteen lifetime warranties!'

37 years in the same position.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

'Don't worry, Alice. I won't leave you.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

a new hire signing a loyalty oath

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"All the way from the new home in Rye just so she can sniff our old doorman."

Living my best life... ...time movie. Even the Canada posing as my world bit.

"I love this comedy. What's it called?"

That's Seven in Human Years

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"Thank you for 30 years of teaching service. Now you have 5 minutes to turn in your keys, I.D. card, empty your desk and be escorted out."

"Breathe in...now breathe out. Excellent! Just remember to keep doing that for the next few years and you'll be fine."

'Mr. Bigmeister likes to start each meeting with the pledge of allegiance.'

"I think my fat has GPS. Every time I lose some, it always finds its way back home."

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."

"Must that dog follow you everywhere?"

"OK, let's see. For starters, the guarantee only covers the muffler."