Lifestyle Observer Gifts

'Rumour has it she leads a completely blameless existence!'

Notice how they never refer to "the new normal" as "new and improved"?

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"It's his emotional support animal."

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'...Please stop the...'

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Life and Death

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"If he didn't live each day like it was his last, he would have lived another 40 years."

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Mice 25¢

Sooner or later, 'These trying times' become 'The good ol' days'.'

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

Maternity Hospital

"Your sister got another promotion."

'I need to buy some gas, but I forgot my wallet. Do you have $18,000 on you?'

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"