Lifestyle Improvements T-Shirts

"I watched that Marie Kondo program on decluttering and decided to get rid of Norman."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

"I didn't spark joy."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"We're airship people, not mega-airship people."

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

Cat in a flap

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

Secretive Weigh In.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

Exercise Class

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

Exercising

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

Item #3715 - cozy cardigan

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

Trust

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

Man to woman leaving health club: 'The instructor said I had lots of body definition ... plump, rotund, obese, heavy ...'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Yes I do notice an improvement. Your chins don't juggle anymore.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"