Life Stage Philosophers Gifts

'But Mom, can't I just skip puberty and go straight to mid-life crisis?'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

"You need to justify your own existence first."

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"I'm here for the hair."

Aging Support Group

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

Who's Dead

Women

Realizing that his youth was now behind him, Mr. Twigly left home at the sight of his first gray hare.

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"