Life's Unfairness Observer Pillows

Wrong Side of the equator.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

You trip on it, you buy it.

Down on Bourbon Street...

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

Will Kill For Food

Maternity Hospital

Mice 25¢

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

"Your sister got another promotion."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

Street: The Magazine for Homeless People

Old Yarns

"Some day I'll be choosing your nursing home."

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

"Better safe than sorry, son."

"Auto reply: I am dead and will have limited access to e-mail."

Blogging Shoes

'Did you click and send the contents of 'Irving' into the world wide web of humiliation?'

"May I air-quote you?"

Ten Commandments T-Shirt

"Would you be willing to participate in a brief survey following this transaction concerning customer satisfaction?"

'Hi, it's me, my therapist said I should communicate more...'

"It's free, but they sell your information."