Observer Of Life Pillows

'Have you noticed it, too?'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'Long shift?'

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

Life and Death

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"He was much more effective in the field."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

Man behind stage to lady about professor with person under podium: 'That's Professor Allen's understudy.'

"Ooh, you’ve got a little piece of retiree caught in your teeth."

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

Sooner or later, 'These trying times' become 'The good ol' days'.'

Mice 25¢

Maternity Hospital

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"Your sister got another promotion."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

"I'm writing to mother to let her know how you're doing.Is deathbed one word or two?"

Old Yarns

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

"Some day I'll be choosing your nursing home."