Life Lesson Sage Pillows

"Dad, you made mistakes when you were my age, right?"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Lady of the bath...

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

That party went well.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

The Paper Route

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

"First order of business...no more memos beginning 'Once Upon a Time.'"

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

Three Witches from Macbeth

"Less roman, more clef."

"Time to administer scout leader first aid protocol..."

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

' Sheesh! I think people are getting tired of hearing those fables of Aesop's

'Beautiful book. However, I'm afraid it lacks video game potential.'

Sylvia Plath

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

Punch and Judy Sales Conference

Shakespeare begins a play about a ship's captain and a white whale... and realizes he's never even been on a boat.

Tragedy and Material