Life Lesson Sage Mugs

"Dad, you made mistakes when you were my age, right?"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Annual run-off at the mouth.

Lady of the bath...

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

That party went well.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

The Paper Route

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

"First order of business...no more memos beginning 'Once Upon a Time.'"

Three Witches from Macbeth

"Less roman, more clef."

"Time to administer scout leader first aid protocol..."

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

'Beautiful book. However, I'm afraid it lacks video game potential.'

' Sheesh! I think people are getting tired of hearing those fables of Aesop's

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

When cartoonists get ahead of themselves.

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

Sylvia Plath

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

Punch and Judy Sales Conference

Shakespeare begins a play about a ship's captain and a white whale... and realizes he's never even been on a boat.