Life Comparers Pillows

Memoirs

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"His father came from a family of climbers."

"It's a new take on the whole work/life balance thing. . . Anybody who has a life needs to be given more work."

"As far as form following function, it's a brilliant design for a business center."

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

'It wouldn't be so bad if they were pert and perky.'

'What I meditate on is we have rice and tea for lunch, and in the west they have burgers, fries and shakes.'

30th Birthday - Doctors aren't like policemen.. they don't grow younger, they just age faster.

'If we didn't live so long we wouldn't eat so much!'

"So how does New York stack up against Uzbekistan?"

'You got the job, the family and now the fancy car. But it's not enough, is it? No, my friend, it's never enough.'

'Mom, Dad, I've decided to skip my senior year of college and jump directly into chronic unemployment.'

'I'm worried! I gave up smoking without any trouble!'

When Bert stopped wondering why, statistically, women outlive men...

'Does the soundtrack to my life always have to be played on a wobble board?'

'It's one or the other, you can swashbuckle, or go for the gusto, but not both.'

'I'd just like to go back to the 'all this' that Ed took me away from.'

Window Shopping

"They say that on your death bed it is not the thing you have done that you regret but the things you haven't. In my case like being a millionaire!"

'I feel I've finally achieved closure in our relationship.'

"I wish you would quit smoking those cigars...they'll shorten your life..."

'I'm in this 23 step...' 'Those programmes are so annoying...' 'My group is 14 steps...'

Please Help! Not unemployed, just living beyond my means.

'Let's just say that I'm at one of those intervals in my career where I need to tweak my personal definition of success a bit!'