Life Blooper Enthusiast Gifts

"It says 'Available Now: The Greatest Bloopers of Your Life, available on Pay-Per-View or DVD!'"

Reach for the Star.

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Photos of Queen Elizabeth II

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'Hmmphhhh ... High on Life. Now that's something the government ought to regulate.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

'I'm sorry, did you say you wanted to try fresh sugarcane.'

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

"Well, it's funny, Sid. Every time I've got onr foot in the grave, something interesting happens, so I pull it back out again!"

Life is about the chase, not the ball. Now go get it!

"OK people, this one's for the blooper reel, so let's blow it out there."

'I wrote on this piece of cardboard because the teleprompter is broken. Just say something about technical difficulties and we'll be right back after these messages or whatever. Just don't read this on air!'

We only go around once, but it can be quite the loop-de-loop!

Listenin' in

'I was fired from my last job for making too many bloomers. And I've just been fired from this one for not making enough!'

"You're my agent, tell me - what do I have to do to be taken seriously as an animal-bloopers-show host?"

"The aftereffects may include years of insufferably life-affirming pronouncements."

They changed their tunes.

"You're mad at your parents? Why?"

Now what's this about the Bibcock deal hitting a snag?

"Oh...erm...welcome back!"

"Have no fear, Baldo...the Cruzer is now your personal love coach."

I imagine at your age, you attend a lot of funerals, Sadie. Oh, yes, they're quite lovely. As a child, I attended birthday parties. As a lass, I attended sweet sixteens. As a young adult, I attended weddings. As a mature woman, I attended retirement parties. Now, in the twilight of life, I attend funerals. "Deathday" parties, if you will. And it's beautiful. Because it's all come full circle? Because for once, I don't have to buy the %$&*@ a gift.

'I'll tell you one thing - if I knew I'd live this long I'd have taken better care of myself.'

In the game of life...there is no time out.

"They don't prevent crime, but the videos make great blooper reels."

Why be dead all your life when you can choose life.

"Why, Susan, I—ha-ha-ha! Oh, God, sorry... Sorry."

'Buns, rockcakes and paperweights.'

Today's Topic. Human Nature: The Search for Perfection. Human nature will evantually reach perfection -- Unitl then, let's enjoy ourselves while we can!