Lens Aficionado Gifts

Photographic Club.

"It took all day, but we finally got there."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Television Readers.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'Yes, it computed the answer in a bilionth of a second and printed it instantly, but until I find my glasses...'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

100 best beheadings

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

"He's an indoor cat."

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

A boy with a camera

How I met your mother

'We'll have to end it there, I'm sorry - we're running out of time.'

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

'Could you pass me my - oh thankyou.'

Couch and Potato

"I'm looking for a wife who likes to fish, go to the footy, play cards, watch TV, cook, drink and wash dirty socks."

How the goat got square eyes.

"To be honest, I'm leaving public service so I can make some real money as a talking head on a cable news network."

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Glenn Beck?'

'BBC Training course' "Repeat after me"