Light Aficionado Gifts

"Notice how the artist uses light to draw in the viewer."

Television Readers.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'I think your father's had one of his big ideas...'

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"Someday, these will be installed in every home and business that wants to seem artsy."

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

Twister:Rural Social Networking

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

100 best beheadings

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"He's an indoor cat."

"'C' is for free CONTENT!"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'Could you pass me my - oh thankyou.'

How I met your mother

'We'll have to end it there, I'm sorry - we're running out of time.'

Couch and Potato

Hollywood Breakup

Tedious Romantic.

"To be honest, I'm leaving public service so I can make some real money as a talking head on a cable news network."

'Please Henderson - Not another one of your bright ideas!'

How the goat got square eyes.

"I'm looking for a wife who likes to fish, go to the footy, play cards, watch TV, cook, drink and wash dirty socks."

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"