Lemon Car Expert T-Shirts

"Wow, this bill's a lot less than I thought it would be."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

I want a car that says 'I've arrived' but didn't use too much gas getting there.

Lemon centerpieces: $50 each

'Your car should run fine now. I reformatted the hard drive, increased the ram, scanned for viruses, updated the firmware, upgraded to this year's processor...'

Cardiologist/Truckdiologist: Medical help for Trucks.

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

"If this car is so smart, why didn't it let me know there was a cop there?"

The Hybrid

'Frankly the only Cheap way of getting rid of the knocking from the engine is to turn up the volume on the radio.'

'The new helium airbag was a mistake.'

"I want one that's going to fall apart. . ."

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

'It's a hybrid.'

2020 Panic Room

"The only lemons we use now are to flavor the rim of your espresso."

"Gracie, just because you understand internal combustion engines...doesn't mean you can drive."

Influences.

'How much gin will I need for three medium size lemons?'

Driving a Lemon.

"How about a self-inflating-a-flat-tire car?"

Crash Test Dummy Denied Insurance.

"I like everything about the car except it's expression."

'You've slept with your new car every night for a week. When's the newness wear off!'

Paul began to suspect that Charlene was just using him for his automotive knowledge.

'I can't play with you today. I have to show my owner how to change the oil in his BMW. It's a curse being a smart breed.'

Football anagrams: Honest John's (Answer: Seth Johnson.)

"Your car is always in the shop because it has a problem with its auto immune system."

The Government car-share scheme gains wide support!

"You know how it is. Some days you like to drive,some days you like to be driven."

Discussed on Car Talk