Leisure Pillows

The Weekend

'I have a retirement plan... I'm going to get up every morning around 11am... hen make some cocktails... then, a nap...'

Fulfilment Centre.

"I'm walking the sloth. See you all in a week."

How's my Driving?

"Why, you're right. Tonight isn't reading night, tonight is sex night."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"Wait a minute - I know there's something we've forgotten to worry about."

The Male Biological Clock.

"On the other hand, my weekends are seven days long."

Retiring from the rat race

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Rusty was a very smart dog.

"I'm worried about John. He just can't seem to forget about the office and relax."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

"You said we were going to age in place, and this is my place."

'I'm sure I've forgotten to do something today. Let's see now...I've taken four coffee breaks, I did the crossword puzzle...I took a long lunch...'

'At least I don't have his life.'

'Sure, we have a long way to go but give us credit for knowing how to relax.'

A man with a shirt reading 'No Pain No Gain' runs past a man who is relaxing with a 'No Pain No Pain' shirt on.

"Oh, I'm happy enough - I just wish my life were more like Sting's."

'Beautiful day out there, folks. Don't miss it. Complete coverage, coming up next.'

'Bored?'

Deadly Radon

'I outsourced toymaking and delivery, fired the elves and moved my headquarters here to the Cayman Islands.'

'Give me a hand! There's a Monday on the other side of this door.'

'When did we lose our targeted audience status?'

Santa using reindeer antlers to play snooker

"Mom wants us to spend 'Quality time' together, so don't blame me."

'The great thing about being a snail is that I always have a good excuse for being late...'

'Today is the first day of the rest of your life.'

'I don't know if there's a word for it, but it's the opposite of multitasking.'

"For God's sake, it's only a game!"

Angel using his hal to play golf.

'Don't strain yourself, make two trips.'