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The Creature of the Black Legume

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

"I'm rooting for the carrots."

'All those vegetables Mom's been feeding me finally paid off. I'm a squash.'

"We're odd looking but just as good."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

"I've seen a tulip before."

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Vegetarian Birthdays.

Pea

'Needs more kale.'

Cow Pollen

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

Bonsai Exhibit

'Not here, Fred.'

'Slices Mandy! Just slices!'

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

Jar wars

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

Forbidden Vegetable

Today: Tomato Surprise. Of course the tomato surprise doesn't impress you, sir … You’re not a tomato.

"That's not fair. I do not only visit you once a year on National Asparagus Day."

F&E Produce. I had interesting customers today. First, a beautician checked out the purple potatoes and yellow beets. Ah, a hair stylist inspected the colored roots! That card shark bought some fruit. Two pears, I'll bet! A journalist was searching for an onion alternative. He needs leeks! And labor negotiators requested to increase their usual vegetable order. They asked for a celery hike, eh? I think the customers are the best part of this job. Yeah, you never know who will turnip!

Cheeky boy and putting 'leeks' sign on toilet.

'Then again, who says we can't call it a mangelwurzel?'

You mixed your DNA with that of a carrot? I've created a giant loud-mouthed left-leaning vegetable. Some would say that's redundant. Very funny. It's worse that that. The carrot doesn't share just my politics … You smell beautiful, like ranch dressing on a spring day. I do like a tall vegetable.

Topiary: When the written word isn't enough

Untold Love Stories "Beauty and the Beets". We think you would be more beautiful if you dyed your hair a purplish red.

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"It would be better with a protein, but add-ons are so expensive."

The Perfect Garden.

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"