Legal Tactics Pillows

'Your Honor, I'm here to make excuses for my client.'

"He's resorted to a legal tactic I hadn't counted on! He's groveling!"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

'Our only option is to improve quality or hire more lawyers.'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

The Use of Cavalry

Commando crashes into wall, instead of through window.

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

'...youngsters need to be shown how the law REALLY works if they want a career in it!'

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

Corporate Lawyers

"Never lie to your attorney, Brad. If any lies need to be told I'll tell them."

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

Sports Lawyers

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

'Blue Fox to Swat Team: execute on my count of three and when officer O'Rourke has fastened his bootlace.'

'I'm feeling a little remiss about missing both free throws.'

"When he left, he took all his things, including his name on the door."

Boss: 'Change is good!' Employees: 'Who's getting fired?'

'Not to worry, I've handled hundreds of cases like this and the way I see it, I'm bound to win one sooner or later.'

'We have obligations to our stockholders, our employees and our community - Fortunately, Henderson in legal has found a loophole.'

'I think our filing system is a little too obvious.'

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

'My client will give up the castle, as long as it is not an admission of defeat.'

"And if, in court, you need to varnish the truth, don't make it high gloss."

'Don't ask me what play to call..I've only got a one year contract...you've got a four year scholarship...you decide what play to call.'