Legal Tactics Pillows

'Your Honor, I'm here to make excuses for my client.'

"He's resorted to a legal tactic I hadn't counted on! He's groveling!"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"May I treat him as a hostile lawyer?"

'Our only option is to improve quality or hire more lawyers.'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

Commando crashes into wall, instead of through window.

The Use of Cavalry

"My loophole out-loopholes your loophole."

"I advise a slow, steady stream of lawsuits to weaken your enemies resistance. We call it time release litigation."

"No, he's not grounded anymore. He used his allowance and lawyered up."

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

'...youngsters need to be shown how the law REALLY works if they want a career in it!'

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

Corporate Lawyers

'I'm feeling a little remiss about missing both free throws.'

'Blue Fox to Swat Team: execute on my count of three and when officer O'Rourke has fastened his bootlace.'

"Never lie to your attorney, Brad. If any lies need to be told I'll tell them."

"Isn't it true, Mr. Sheppard, that you are, in fact, the 'party of the first part'?"

Sports Lawyers

"When he left, he took all his things, including his name on the door."

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

Boss: 'Change is good!' Employees: 'Who's getting fired?'

'Not to worry, I've handled hundreds of cases like this and the way I see it, I'm bound to win one sooner or later.'

'We have obligations to our stockholders, our employees and our community - Fortunately, Henderson in legal has found a loophole.'

'I think our filing system is a little too obvious.'

'My client will give up the castle, as long as it is not an admission of defeat.'

"And if, in court, you need to varnish the truth, don't make it high gloss."

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'