Legal Recruitment Pillows

'Looking for a lateral hire who can boost pep by 45 and increase turnover by 75 is optimistic...to expect them to turn you into a 'rock god' and fantasy figure for women under 30 as well may be a stretch to far.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Outer Space Outsourcing

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."