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"At least you know where you'll be in twenty-five years."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

No Soliciting

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

Wal-Mart Ruling

"Let's break the record for non-stop deranged barking."

'Thanks, we really appreciate this. Yeah, the middle button. Don't worry, it's auto-focus - just aim and shoot.'

Dog Obedience School: 'I think we're going to have our work cut out with this one.'

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

Doggie door in The Pearly Gates.

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"Can you teach me to really bark? I only seem to be able to yap..."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

"Impartiality becomes you."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

Counsel examining witness

"It's always so loud during yappy hour."

A day in the life of a dog.

Trump Indicted

The Great Maldini and his Venomous Snakes