Legal Eagle With A Childlike Spirit Pillows

Barristers playing children's games during the long vacation

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"White Collar Prison"

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge getting hair done.

'I think its being tapped.'

No offense intended your honor…It just seemed like this case screamed for a frivolous law suit…

Clive Anderson

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

'Your Honor, permission to abandon the strict, upstanding, fiduciary responsibilities of my profession for a chance at fleeting personal, carnal gratification?'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

'Judge Bush agreed to come out of retirement on a temporary basis.'

I'm representing Rudy in your relationship discussions. It's common sense. It will enable both parties to not get too emotional. You're trying to prevent emotion from bleeding into a relationship discussion. Check. Dumbest thing I've ever heard! Calm down.

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

"If things go well here, I'm going to open up my own firm."

'If you don't stay seated, I'll have to use my pop-up blocker.'

"I'm your court-appointed attorney, but I'm really an interior decorator."

'... the party of the first part is to give the party of the second part ...'

'I'm on my way to court. What tie goes well with a guilty plea?'

"Before I begin, everyone must sign a non-disclosure agreement."

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'They were about to reach a verdict until they heard ...'

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

'There'll be a two-hour recess while I get my hair done.'

Due Diligence Man

'I can't sign that behavior contract unless my attorney reviews it.'

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card coudl you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me...or take out a sexual harassment suit!"

"You're charged with blowing the roof off, bringing the house down, and totally killing it. How do you plead?"

Computer Aided Divorce.

'I need a continuance, your Honor.'

Sue the Author: 1pm-3pm