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"I believe everyone, straight or gay, should have the chance to marry - since I'm a divorce attorney."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

International Women's Day

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

...and then I...wait....What's that?? Whoa! We're on a spaceship! This is fun! Hey! What's this button do? Can I pull this lever? Are we there yet? Take a selfie with us? Do we get snacks? Can I drive? Are we there yet? Something we said? Just imagine if we'd been obnoxious!

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Moses separating his Laundry.

"Now that's what I call customer service!"

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

No-Work Orange

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

'You just don't know when to give up, do you?'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

"Have you been playing dice?"

"The Hound of the Baskervilles, Watson--I took him walkies!"

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'I think your father's had one of his big ideas...'

The Food Chain

Window Treatment

"Bleeeee! It's plastic."

Barristers

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Twenty Six

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

This condition could be hereditary - does stupidity run in your family?

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"If you let down your guard, I'll walk over the moat."

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

"I figured out how to raise my grades."

'Are we there yet?'