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'Rough divorce, huh?'

'This is only temporary. . . till our paper shredder is repaired.'

'People think puppy love is so cute. But you never hear a word about puppy divorce.'

Magistrate's clerk swearing witness

'We'll skip the naked truth Mr. Hargreaves.'

"I believe I can speak for both of us."

"We'd better tell Santa! We're being sued by Billy Gerent: He claims us putting on the Naughty List is discriminatory..."

'You have been found guilty of being young, drunk, and stupid....'

'Please, please, Your Honor, send me to a prison with cable TV!'

'Naughty or nice? My lawyer will answer that.'

'Doggonit, Ike, you can't arrest someone for impersonating a computer geek!'

'Trust me. With this prosecuting attorney, we do NOT want you taking the witness stand in your own defense!'

'Uh, your honor, I'd like this man declared an ostile-hay itness-way.'

'If you wanted me to be cooperative, why did you appoint a lawyer for me?'

'Sorry, I wasn't stopping you... I was just trying to crack this walnut.'

"Your lawyer is a zombie?"

'The bailiffs took my car away yesterday, and I didn't even have a chance to siphon out the petrol.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."