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"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

Ruth Bader Ginsburg - Forever Supreme

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Not guilty?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

Antonin Scalia

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

"Haven't you ever heard of the first amendment?"

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

'Your Honor, we find the defendant rich, famous and not guilty.'

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

Judge

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"