Layoff Gift Gifts

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

Very Difficult Conversations

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

Never.....teach your dog to fly.

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

'I'm a bit pressed for time. Give me your one-minute elevator pitch.'

'Chewing cud, Steven? Well, I hope you brought enough for the whole class!'

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

After party at the spill club.

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

"You got this, Nana."

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

"Best wishes in your new job!"

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

'I'm afraid we have to let you go. As you know, you're entitled to a 'Golden Handshake'...

'Apparently, I've been replaced by a $2.99 iPhone app!'

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go.'

"They told me my parachute would be golden. Turns out it's pyrite."

"If you get the page 'intentionally left blank', you're fired."

"Don't forget to torch the place when you leave."

'We really can't afford golden parachutes any more, but here's a plastic crash helmet.'

'OK everyone get out... we're downsizing!'

"But I was told this was included in my severance package."

'Relax, I'm not here for you. Just for your job.'

"I'm not good at confrontation, so unscramble this phrase in your head for a surprise message."

"That's life in the corporate world. Yesterday I was the company's 'go-to' guy, and today, I'm the 'you go too,' guy!"

Boss leads employee away to fire him.

'I'm sorry, Marvin, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'