Layoff Dodger Gifts

Musical Chairs...

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

Fear of news.

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

As the horrible signs began to appear, students would go to any length to avoid seeing them.

'I think we should consider hiring a consultant to share the blame.'

"I can help you get your finances back in shape – you've just got to believe in me."

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"Thanks for the offer... but I'd rather see if tech support can get my computer running."

'Another hike in college tuition! The costs are already killing my folks!'

Gone for Broke College

'I gained about two hours a day. I gave up the New York Times.'

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"Whoever guesses which cup the college tuition is under, gets it."

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

Denny was getting concerned about the company's recent downsizing.

Double-glazing salesman's spiel sends household to sleep.

"This is definitely the last time for Chapter Seventeen!"

Reasons to avoid training No 234 - "I was on my way to the gym but then I heard that the DOW JONES had fallen 2.5%."

Money falling down a black hole

"Slammed the door in your face, huh? Guess she really meant that NO SOLICITORS sign!"

"Here's the sick squid I owe you. . ."

'That's it, Darlene -- conserve your energy for the final lap! Stay right in her draft!'

'I see you are cutting back on your salt intake.'

"No, I'm not going to work. I sent my computer to work for me. The screen has a photo of my face, so people will think it's me."

"What is the first item on the to do list?"

'It's not fair. You have classes and pep talks on selling and I have to resist all on my own.'

'We're out of cereal!'

"So I take it you won't be going to the staff Christmas party!"

'Gentlemen, this deal offers some spectacular opportunities for us to miss, and miss them we shall.'

"It's our caseload management system...we just give them more cases until they collapse."

'Ever wonder how you're going to pay off your school loan?'

'Don't take the buyout.'

'Hello, Alumni Office? Bad timing. Your fund raising letter arrived with my student loan bills.'