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"You're very tight."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

The very noisy, but enjoyable game of Crowquet.

Tilly Slowboy

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"Pretty cushy, am I right?"

"Just the slippers is fine!"

You can't get what up

Goddess of Fertility garden feature

'It's my spare tire. Why do you ask?'

After 9pm Harry Lomax slips quietly into cruise control.

"Yeah, and the new job lets me work from home."

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

Beware of the Lawn

'What, They're comfortable.'

Skier.

Reserved Parking

"Careful... if you look too comfortable they take your chair away."

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

Introverted Chair

The secret to longevity is good genes, good diet, a good lawyer and witnesses with weak eyesight and poor memories.

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"While you were on vacation, Zooker, a motion was made and seconded to saw five and a half inches off your chair legs."

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'Ned thinks the inventor of the vibrating easychair should get the Nobel prize for science.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

"Question ... what is my motivation to ever leave this armchair?"

Shaker furniture: The flamboyant years.