Law Lols Pillows

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

A baby in court

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

Corporate Lawyers

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

Policeman

We Remove Lawyer Residue

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

Courtroom. Next time I wouldn't say "Convincingly, I hope" when the judge asks how you plead.

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

'Objection! That could be anybody's footprint!'

"The jury will disregard the defendant's statement that he will donate 100% of his criminal earnings to the Concerned Mobsters for Eritrea Fund!"

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

'A limited partnership? It means you can't sue or skim.'

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''

Man looking at the cartes de visite of the lawyers in chancery lane

'We had to bring a judge out of retirement, but we got you a speedy trial.'

'I wonder what that knocking noise is.'

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

"You declared him to be a hostile witness, your honor."

"I can assure you, Your Honor, my client isn't a flight risk."

'Unzip your pants. . .while you're here, I want to pay up my bill in full.'

'Sorry, Mr. Weinbaum, but you should have said 'Simon says not guilty.''

If injury lawyers said what they really mean.

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'

"I'm your Fairy God lawyer and will grant you three Gloria Allreds."

'What about all the crimes I am innocent of?'

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

"Case dismissed for obvious reasons."